I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
