The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
