You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
