Im at strip club and am horny
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
