I'm going to jail i love you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
