"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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