It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
