Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
