I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I enjoy the company of your penis
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
