I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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