I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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