I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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