I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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