I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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