ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
