Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
