We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
