drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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