I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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