dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
