he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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