Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
