Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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