Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
