if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it's like iHOP with fire
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
