from now on my penis is your penis
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
