You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
