I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
