Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
