i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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