I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
