If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
