It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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