my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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