No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
