Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
