Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
