be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
