Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
