I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
