I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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