My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize