im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I puked a lego.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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