I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize