Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
