doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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