I'm lost and stupid without you.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
