I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
