I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
