I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
