i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize