Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
