WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
