Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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