Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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