I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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