Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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