I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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