Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
