blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We are all done wearing pants today
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
