these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
