If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
