I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
