Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
