I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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