It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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