I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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