I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
