I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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