Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
