R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
