Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think people are normalizing furries
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
