she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
