Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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