oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
